Wagonmaster Read online

  She shook her head, reaching for the remaining buttons on his shirt. Husky but sure, her words held no doubt. “I need you, Joshua. Don’t leave me.” She released his buttons and tugged the tail of his shirt from his pants.

  The last of Josh’s resistance fell away with his shirt. Her lips brushed his chest, and her hands fumbled for the buttons on his pants. He groaned in surrender. Catching her fingers, he pulled them away from his pants and held them against his chest. “You win, Addie. I can’t resist you. I want you too much.”

  A relieved sigh fell from her lips. Her grateful gaze met his. “Now. Please?”

  He tried to calm his raging lust. “We shouldn’t. But if we do this, we do it my way. This will be no hurried mating. You deserve better.” He unbuttoned the row of buttons on her blue-checkered gingham dress and pushed it off her shoulders.

  She stood motionless, watching him, waiting for his next words. The dress fell to the floor at their feet with a swish. He brushed her lips in a tender kiss and whispered to her, “I’m going to make love to you, Addie. I’m going to kiss every inch of you and stroke you until you scream in pleasure.”

  He held her wide-eyed gaze as he reached for her camisole. His fingers touched the soft silk. He should have known. She may have given up her velvet traveling dresses for gingham and calico, but beneath the common clothing she wore expensive, luxurious secrets. Lifting the edge of the camisole, he drew it over her head and let it join her dress in the floor.

  Her nipples hardened beneath his stare. He battled the urge to push her on the bed and take her quickly. God, he wanted her. Already he throbbed with the need to take her. Slow and easy. This is her first time. No matter how much passion she held, she was still a virgin. She would no doubt regret taking him to her bed, but it would not be because she didn’t enjoy it.

  His hands skimmed the sides of her small, round breasts down to her waist where he loosened the tie on her silk drawers. He pushed them over slender hips and they fell to the floor with the rest of her clothing. She stood before him in nothing but thick, blue silk stockings, held in place by white, lacey garters.

  Josh could hardly breathe. Damn. He was afraid he’d come just looking at her. He kneeled before her and, with shaking hands, pulled the garters down each leg. His gaze traveled up her gently rounded frame. “God, you’re beautiful, Addie.”

  A cascade of emotions flickered across her face and in her eyes, each one so easy to read. The last look she gave him flashed a clear, unquestionable desire. He leaned forward, placed a kiss on her hip, and trailed his lips and tongue across her flat belly to the center.

  She gasped and buried her fingers in his hair. “Joshua.”

  He smiled against her belly. She’d called him that more and more of late. But never had it sounded so sweet. He stood and reached behind her knees to lift her into his arms. Gently, he laid her on the bed and leaned over her to kiss her long and deep.

  Briefly, Josh straightened and shed his pants and socks to stand naked before her.

  * * * *

  Addie’s heart raced, and blood pounded in her ears. He was even more perfectly formed than she’d imagined. Her medical training spoke to her in technical terms, but something inside her, something inherently woman, spoke even louder. The corded quadriceps of his thighs emanated strength and power. The ridges of his abdominal muscles created a rippling effect that set her stomach to fluttering.

  Her gaze wandered to another part of his anatomy. She knew a man’s member grew long and hard when aroused, but somehow the sight of him was unlike anything she would have expected. His shaft, nearly as thick as her wrist, reached his navel. Veins ran the length of him, dark against the skin stretched taut to accommodate his size. A drop of fluid glistened against the crown of a purple-red, velvety tip.

  A wild pulsing began between her thighs. She reached for him, wanting to touch it, feel the potency and power of it. He grasped her wrist, and her gaze jerked to his. Dark brown irises glowed with heat and need. “Not yet, sweetheart. It will be over before it starts if you touch me now.”

  Confusion filled her. “You mean you would ejaculate? But I thought a man required a fair amount of stimulation before…?”

  A laugh rumbled from him. He pressed his knee on the bed and moved over her. “Just looking at you is stimulation enough, darlin’. And your kisses drive a man crazy.”

  “I don’t understand. In my human biology classes, the professor explained that a man’s penis—”

  “Stop talkin’ like a doctor, Addie.” He settled his legs, one at her side, the other between her knees.

  His mouth covered her nipple and drew it into his mouth. She felt the tug deep inside between her legs. She bit her lip, but a whimper escaped her.

  He lifted his head, a gleam in his chocolate-brown eyes. “Do you like that?” Without looking away, he moved to her other breast and flicked the hardened nipple with his tongue.

  “Oh, yes.” Yes, she liked it, but it wasn’t enough. She wanted him to make love to her. She squirmed beneath him, reaching for that part of him that promised to satisfy the hunger he’d awakened in her.

  He pressed himself against her and prevented her from reaching her goal. He shook his head. “Not yet, darlin’.”

  She sucked in a deep breath through her nose in an effort to calm the clamor in her body. His scent only made it worse. And it wasn’t just his scent, she realized. She smelled something primitive, musky. She swallowed hard. “I want you, Joshua.”

  His hand trailed between her thighs, higher and higher until his fingers brushed the curls covering her most private place. He held her gaze as his finger slipped between the folds and touched the slick skin beneath. The digit found a particularly sensitive spot and stole her breath.

  Tension built in her womb. She grasped his head and pulled him down to draw his bottom lip into her mouth. Gently, she suckled it until he groaned.

  His jaw clenched, and his nostrils flared. Visibly holding himself in check, he slipped a finger inside and stroked her.

  Addie arched against his hand. Frustration and need tore at her. She wanted, needed more.

  His lips took hers again, his kiss hungry, hot, and primal. His fingers left her, and he used his knees to spread her legs. She opened them wide, ready for him to join his body to hers. Nothing had ever felt like this. She wanted to make him a part of her, to be a part of him. Her body ached, and she met his tongue with her own, a silent plea for him to ease her suffering.

  She ran her hands along the rippling muscles of his back and sides. His shaft pressed against her opening. He moved forward slowly. Too slowly. She lifted her hips to pull the soft tip inside her. “Please, Joshua.” She was beyond pride now and she’d beg if she must. She threw her head back and closed her eyes. She arched her body and pressed her aching breasts against his chest.

  He kissed her neck and whispered into her ear, “Look at me, Addie.”

  Her eyes flew open and met his hungry gaze. He sank into her another inch, painfully stretching the skin around her opening. He must have seen the pain in her eyes. “I’m sorry, darlin’.” He thrust his hips hard and tore through her hymen.

  She gasped and squeezed her eyes closed. But it eased quickly, and she focused on the incredible feeling of having him inside her.

  “Addie?”

  She opened her eyes.

  He watched her, beads of sweat on his forehead, his jaw tight.

  “I’m fine,” she whispered. He didn’t look convinced, so she wrapped her legs around his hips. “But I’ll die if you stop.”

  His sigh of relief touched her heart. He began moving against her, and all thought fled Addie’s mind. Heat spread through her as if her very blood was on fire. Her nails dug into his shoulders as he increased his rhythm. She was flying, reaching…craving some elusive peak.

  He groaned against her cheek and whispered harshly, “Hurry, darlin’. I can’t wait much longer.”

  She was uncertain what he was asking for, but she
knew she’d completely lost control of her body. Only sensation and need drove her now. “Joshua, I….”

  “Come for me, Addie.” He ground himself against her with each thrust, his thickness and length stretching her, utterly filling her.

  Her body convulsed with unimaginable pleasure. Stars burst behind her eyelids, and she cried out with the intensity of it.

  “God, yes!” Joshua thrust again, then once more. He shouted her name in a hoarse, guttural voice.

  Moments later, Addie opened her eyes to find him breathing heavily above her, his face a mask of pleasure, the image of masculine beauty. His eyelids lifted. The warm brown orbs showed more tranquility than she’d ever seen from him. He smiled and rolled to his side, drew her into his arms, and kissed her tenderly.

  A sated lethargy consumed her. She rested her head against his chest and listened to the steady beat of his heart. It slowed into a strong, solid cadence. Within moments, Addie drifted off to sleep.

  * * * *

  Addie awoke to find herself alone. Joshua had covered her with both blankets, but they could not provide the warmth or comfort his magnificent body had given her. Her clothes lay across the foot of her bed, thoughtfully retrieved from the floor.

  Oh, what Joshua must think of her? She’d begged him to take her. Addie took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. There was nothing she could do to change what had happened. And if she were honest with herself, she’d admit that she’d do it again if given the chance. Never had anything felt so real, so wonderful, as being in Joshua’s arms. She’d needed his support and comfort.

  Thoughts of Jesse Adams crashed down on her as she remembered why she’d sought Joshua’s arms in the first place. Her heart ached with the knowledge that she’d failed. The baby had died, and now his mother and father mourned his loss. Her mind repeated Joshua’s belief that it was God’s will. Nonetheless, she wondered if she could have done something differently. If only she’d been told sooner.

  Addie sat up and shook her head. No. She would not do this. She was not one to waste time on what ifs. Nothing could be done to change the past. She’d done the best she could to save the baby. And she certainly couldn’t regret finding solace in Joshua’s arms.

  Now, she could only hope that Joshua didn’t regret what had happened. He’d made it clear from the beginning he didn’t want a wife. Addie couldn’t stop herself from wishing he felt differently. But no matter how she yearned to fall asleep in his arms every night for the rest of her life, she would never be happy knowing he didn’t want her as his wife.

  She threw back the covers and stood. The cold air on her naked skin sent a shiver through her. She would make certain Joshua knew she still planned to end the marriage when they arrived in Baker City as they’d agreed. Surely that knowledge would ease any guilt or regret he might harbor.

  Addie knew she should conserve her water, but she refused to dress without washing herself. She drew some water from the barrel and poured it into a bowl. Retrieving her soap and a cloth, she scrubbed herself quickly, but her teeth chattered by the time she’d finished. October had brought with it a drastic change in the temperature. The train would have to move quickly to reach Baker City before the first snowfall.

  She brushed and braided her hair and dressed in her warmest clothes, choosing heavy silk undergarments and a wool dress. The canvas curtain at the end of the wagon moved just as she finished donning her boots.

  Surprise widened Joshua’s eyes. “How long have you been awake? I was hoping you would sleep until I returned. You haven’t been gettin’ enough rest lately.”

  Her heart fluttered at the sound of his voice, and warmth spread through her veins. His concern for her wellbeing touched her. “I’m fine. Have I missed the funeral?”

  He climbed into the wagon and let the canvas fall behind him. “No. They’ll be startin’ soon. I figured you’d want to be there, so I came to wake you.”

  She stood up, taking a few steps toward him. “Thank you. I’m a bit thirsty. Do we have time for some cider?”

  He nodded. “Since you’re already dressed, you’ve got time to warm it up if you want.”

  “That would be wonderful. It’s gotten so cold.” She was uncertain what to say to him. He still hadn’t given her any reason to think he had regrets about their intimacy. “Would you join me?”

  His lips twitched. “Sure. But I’d rather have a shot of that whiskey you’ve got.”

  She smiled, releasing the breath she’d been holding. At least he wasn’t trying to avoid spending time with her. “We’ll have some hot cider now. Then we can have some whiskey later.”

  She felt his eyes watching her as she pulled a bottle of cider from one of the bins. Grabbing the kettle she’d used to prepare medicine for her patients, she put it and the cider on the chair next to the opening and bent to retrieve some wood for the fire.

  Joshua leaned forward, grabbing her hands. “I’ve already started a fire for you.”

  At the touch of his hands, her heart skipped a beat. She wanted to move into his arms and feel those hands on her body again. Heat scorched her cheeks. Goodness! The man has me thinking about sex without even kissing me. “I….” Her voice cracked, so she cleared her throat and tried again. “Thank you.” Finally, she found the courage to meet his gaze. He stared at her, his expression unreadable as usual. “That was very thoughtful of you.” She had to struggle to keep from sounding breathless. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  He searched her face and spoke softly. “No regrets?”

  His question surprised her. Did he worry that she’d be upset about what had happened between them? If so, she could put those concerns to rest for him. “Regrets are pointless, Joshua.” His hands still held hers, and she gave them a squeeze. “You gave me comfort when I needed it. And nothing has ever felt so wonderful. I will never regret what happened. To the contrary, I really want to thank you for….well, for everything.”

  A glimpse of what might have been relief skipped across his features, but it quickly disappeared. He didn’t speak. He just continued to watch her as if judging her sincerity.

  She bit her lip. It would probably be a mistake to ask, but she had to know. The question was out of her mouth before she could stop it. “Do you think me a tramp, Joshua? I know my behavior—”

  His hands moved with lightning speed. His thumbs covered her mouth and stopped her words. “Don’t you ever say anything like that again.” Anger hardened his voice. “You are no tramp, Addie. You are the finest, most kindhearted and generous woman I’ve ever met. What happened between us is nothin’ for you to be ashamed of. Do you understand?”

  Addie smiled, reached up, and pulled his hands away from her mouth. “I’m not ashamed. The truth is that I don’t usually care what most people think of me. I’ve learned that my own self-respect is what’s important. But with you….” She shook her head. “For some reason, it matters what you think of me.” She shrugged, unsure of what else to say.

  He drew her into his arms and held her. “Well, I think you’re damn near perfect.” Joshua nuzzled her ear. With words dripping feigned remorse, he whispered, “If only you could do somethin’ about that stubborn streak of yours. And you can be a bit bossy at times. And—”

  “Oh! You just had to go and spoil it!” She laughed.

  His low chuckle rumbled through him. He released her and rested his hands on her shoulders. “We’d better hurry and warm that cider.” He grabbed the heavy jug and handed her the empty kettle. She gathered a couple of mugs and followed him out of the wagon.

  * * * *

  Josh settled Addie’s wrap across her shoulders. “My shawl. I thought I left it with the Adams.”

  “I got it for you while you were sleeping.” It had been difficult to speak to the grieving parents. Actually, Mrs. Adams hadn’t spoken at all. She’d sat sobbing while Mr. Adams retrieved the requested garment. Josh hadn’t wanted to intrude, but the grateful smile Addie gave him now was proof enough he’d done the
right thing. “Are you warm enough?”

  “Yes, thank you. I’ve a heavy coat packed away in the wagon. If it gets much colder, I suppose I’ll have to start wearing it.” She closed her eyes and sipped appreciatively from her mug of hot cider.

  “You should be wearing it now. You’ll catch a chill—”

  Her eyes opened wide, and she laughed at his concern. “I’m fine really. This dress is made of heavy wool, and my undergarments are silk.”

  He turned up his cup and drained the rest of his cider. “Is silk really as warm as I’ve heard? I can’t imagine how it could be.”

  “Yes. It may be lightweight, but it’s quite warm and….” Her words trailed off, her attention focused behind him.

  Josh turned to find Mr. and Mrs. Fleming followed by several others heading toward the Adam’s wagon. It was time for the funeral. He looked again at Addie and saw the sadness in her eyes, but she stood and squared her shoulders, visibly bracing herself for what was to come. She appeared tired. Though not as noticeable as before her nap, the circles beneath her eyes remained. And whether from lack of rest or from her distress over the death of the child, pallor tinted her complexion.

  “Do you think they blame me?” she whispered.

  He shook his head. “It’s not your fault. They know that.”

  With a heavy sigh, she nodded. “It doesn’t matter, really. It’s just that they’d finally begun to accept me. This could turn them against me. I don’t want you to have trouble again.”

  “There will be no trouble. I’ll see to that. But you don’t give them enough credit, darlin’. They know you tried to save the child. Come on. You’ll see.” He held out his hand and prayed he was right about the rest of the train.

  Addie set her cup on her chair and drew her shawl around her shoulders. She placed her hand in his and sent him another grateful look. Josh gave her hand a gentle squeeze and began walking with her toward the others.

  Silent tears rolled down Addie’s cheeks as Mr. Fleming said the final words of prayer. The funeral had been difficult for everyone, but Josh knew there would have been many more funerals had Addie not been with them. He could only hope he was right about the others. Surely they wouldn’t blame her for the child’s death.